You Can Generate Love

William Lederer, who writes extensiverly on love on love and mariage, says " Love is not the cause of good  relationship, it is the consequence of good relationship " . This is a very important point. Ordinarily, we think love must come first, and only then do we set about forming relationships. But Lederer says that is work the other way. An initial attraction may get things started, but the quality of the relationship determines the generated.

A good example of the generation of love is the meeting of actor Robert Redford and Lola Van Wagenen. She was just out of high school, and he had returned from a lonely trip in Italy, where, he says, he had started  drinking heavily and had begun to feel like " an old man ". " Lola's attitude, " he says in retrospect, " was do fresh and responsive. I had so much to say to her that I  started talking, sometimes all night long. She was genuinely interested intersted in  what in wahat I had to says, at the time when I realy needed to talk. There were nights when we would walk...down Hollywood Boulavard to Sunsets, the up Sunset to the top of the hills, then over to the Hollywood Bowl and back to watch the dawn come up - and we'd still talking. I had always said I'd never ger married before I was thirty-five, but my instincts told me that this was a person I'd like to go through life with. "

Later Redford found himself in the New York, missing Lola. He called her room pay phone, and sais, " I have $32 in quarters. Let's decide whether we're going to get married or not."

Lola knew how fan initial interest into flame. Instead of waiting for love to " happen, " she created a relationship, and love was the natural result. They have been married since 1958.

So Love is not a fiat from Cupid's bow, it is something you create. And when you have learned to create it, you have mastered one of the most important skills we can ever learn.

Read More

No comments

How To Be Better Lover

Look at those who are winners at the game of love. Are they simply lucky in their partners? Are they distinguised by education? Looks? Money? Usually not. Their success rather has to do with personality and with their skill at creating love.

These are not personality traits with you are born., but they are qualities you can acquire. This is not to say that male-female relationships are simple, for in fact they are exceedingly complicated. Nor am I saying that the secrets of love are ever mastered easily, I am saying that there are common denominators in the great love stories of history, that these prinsiples can be clearly identified, and that they can be learned.

Some people view romance as great mystery, some thing that happens to them beyond their control, as if falling in love were like falling in a pond. But, as Erich From says, the word falling in the phrase " Fallling in love " is a contradiction in terms. To " fall " in love denotes passivity, and love is the most active of occupations. - 

Read More

1 comment

In Defence Of Romance

When my first mariage ended and the news began to leak out, I felt very foolish entering the pulpit each Sunday. If i could not to hold my own family together, what posible counsel could I offer to others? I most pastors, I was often called on the help couples with marital problems, and continuing that seemed the height of hypocrisy.

Late one night a parishioner called and needed to talk. I met him at the church office, and began to tell how his marriage was on the rocks. He obviously did not know about my divorce.

" Wait a minute, " I said. " There's something I've got to tell you about my self." I went on to explain the situation and said, " If you want the names of other counselor, I'll be glad to refer you to someone". He reflected a moment, then replied, " No, I think I'd like to talk to you. My cardiologist had a heart attack last year too, but still go to him.

To my astonishment, I found myself doing more counseling than ever, perhaps because victims of similar coronaries have something in common. Or perhaps because people want to hear from others who have learned some things the hard way.

The more I thought about my own failed love and the more troubled people I saw, the more I realized that I still had everything to learn about romance and love. I needed to have answer to questions such as the following:

• Can old-fashioned romantic love work in this age of one night stands and quick divorce?
• What is that initial rush of elation that cause two people to stay up all night talking? Is it a feeling? A decision?
• Can you get the feeling back once you've fallen out of love?
• And why does romance die? Is it possible to hate some one you once loved? Or could it be that you never actually loved that person in the first place?

To answer these queries, I read hundreds of book and articles by expert in the field and talked to dozen of scholars - psychologists, sociologists, psychiatrists, social workers, and theologians. Not satisfied with their answers, I ransacked history books and biographies to study the great mariages and love affairs of the past.
After all the research, I'm still an incurable romantic. I've grown to have an increasing confidence thatecstatic love is a valid experience, that it is a category of emotion over which we have more control than we think, and that is available to almost all who commit themselves to the possibility of a great love.

We all know people who seem to be experts at love. People who know how to make love last and who have mastered the secrets of creating ectasy in their lifelong relationships. If you are in love, the application of these principles might help to keep you out of divorce courts, Or, if you've already been burnt, and wonder, as I did, wheather to try again, perhaps the happy ending to my story can give you hope.
There is another reason I still believe in romance. It is probably a more important reason then the research. After being alone for several years, I met and fell in love with a remarkable man, and much what I know about this subject I've learned by watching by John artfuly reaches out of me. After eight years marriage, I'm still nuts about him.

Read More

No comments