In Defence Of Romance

When my first mariage ended and the news began to leak out, I felt very foolish entering the pulpit each Sunday. If i could not to hold my own family together, what posible counsel could I offer to others? I most pastors, I was often called on the help couples with marital problems, and continuing that seemed the height of hypocrisy.

Late one night a parishioner called and needed to talk. I met him at the church office, and began to tell how his marriage was on the rocks. He obviously did not know about my divorce.

" Wait a minute, " I said. " There's something I've got to tell you about my self." I went on to explain the situation and said, " If you want the names of other counselor, I'll be glad to refer you to someone". He reflected a moment, then replied, " No, I think I'd like to talk to you. My cardiologist had a heart attack last year too, but still go to him.

To my astonishment, I found myself doing more counseling than ever, perhaps because victims of similar coronaries have something in common. Or perhaps because people want to hear from others who have learned some things the hard way.

The more I thought about my own failed love and the more troubled people I saw, the more I realized that I still had everything to learn about romance and love. I needed to have answer to questions such as the following:

• Can old-fashioned romantic love work in this age of one night stands and quick divorce?
• What is that initial rush of elation that cause two people to stay up all night talking? Is it a feeling? A decision?
• Can you get the feeling back once you've fallen out of love?
• And why does romance die? Is it possible to hate some one you once loved? Or could it be that you never actually loved that person in the first place?

To answer these queries, I read hundreds of book and articles by expert in the field and talked to dozen of scholars - psychologists, sociologists, psychiatrists, social workers, and theologians. Not satisfied with their answers, I ransacked history books and biographies to study the great mariages and love affairs of the past.
After all the research, I'm still an incurable romantic. I've grown to have an increasing confidence thatecstatic love is a valid experience, that it is a category of emotion over which we have more control than we think, and that is available to almost all who commit themselves to the possibility of a great love.

We all know people who seem to be experts at love. People who know how to make love last and who have mastered the secrets of creating ectasy in their lifelong relationships. If you are in love, the application of these principles might help to keep you out of divorce courts, Or, if you've already been burnt, and wonder, as I did, wheather to try again, perhaps the happy ending to my story can give you hope.
There is another reason I still believe in romance. It is probably a more important reason then the research. After being alone for several years, I met and fell in love with a remarkable man, and much what I know about this subject I've learned by watching by John artfuly reaches out of me. After eight years marriage, I'm still nuts about him.